big girls don’t cry.

Oh yes, they do.  I can attest to this truth because of my unfortunate fragile state of mind as of late.  Nearly twenty-four and sobbing into any pillow/plush/couch/person remotely absorbent and within 5 feet of me is not a slide I would show during any presentation of 5 STEPS TO BEING A FUNCTIONING HUMAN BEING IN SOCIETY.  We can debate on this later.  I know what you’re all thinking.  I know, because you’ve asked me. 

So.

What’s. . .

N  E  X  T ?

Yes, it’s taken me some time & adjustment (about 2 months) to be able to take in that question without nervously laughing and inwardly panicking only to stutter up these career options:

Wizard’s Apprentice

Lion Trainer

Cheesy T-shirt Model

The President of a Lego country

A princess (working on it)

A tree

A man

And no matter how many brainstorming sessions I have in the shower while singing Gotye, and how many Wikipedia articles I read about building your own lego country, I still feel like I’m back at square one.  I’ve never hated geometry this much.

Transitioning from the World Race was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.  It wasn’t just reverse culture shock – not knowing which cereal brand to purchase or being afraid of large crowds.  It was a large part exactly that for the first couple of weeks.  And then it was more.  It was the first breath out of a coma, when I looked at the depravity of my comfort and mourned.  I physically, spiritually, and emotionally grieved the person that I was, the people that were, and the people who were no longer by my side.  I was forced to realize that “home” was this promised idea in my head, and it wasn’t a place that really existed after what I had been through.  Nothing could ever nurse the wounds of what I had been through.  No conversation.  No singular person.  Not even a pumpkin spice latté. 

Dad was patient with me.  He let me mourn for a season. . . after all, Jesus was a man acquainted with suffering.  When I was on the floor, He was with me.  When I tried to be strong, He said, “stop.”  So, I did.

The other day, I was driving, and I heard a still small voice tell me to detour and drive to the house where I grew up.  It’s only about 20 minutes from where I live now, but nevertheless, I thought it a strange request.  Before I knew it, I was parked outside, on the street that I knew so well.  The home produced memories that only made a cameo when I begged them to.  “Get out and walk,” He said.  I strolled down three blocks to where my elementary school was.  I used to walk that same route everyday with my grandmother.  The kids were out for lunch recess, screaming and cavorting  -- nary a care in the world, except for the dread of when the bell was going to ring and ruin the fun.  There was a concrete slope to get into the playground that I remember and a big tree that my friends and I used to walk to to glean its lovely shade.  “Why am I here, Dad?  I must look like such a creeper scaling the perimeter. . .”  He didn’t answer.  Probably because He thought it was funny.  As I made my way to the front of the school, three girls were playing by the fence said hi, laughed, and sprinted away as soon as I smiled back at them.  I sat on a paint-splattered bench at the front of the school and waited. 

I suppose you expect some sort of point to this story. 

Well, nothing happened. 

As I walked away from the school, I smiled, because I knew exactly why Dad had brought me there.  “Arise, little girl,” He said.  I was there as a little girl seventeen years earlier, completely oblivious to the big, enormous, glorious plans that He had for me.  And now, looking back, He performed amazing miracles in me.  I was the miracle.  I’m still a little girl waiting for the bell to ring. 

Except now, I will look back on this time and this past year as an even fainter memory, because like I child, I will repeatedly come to Him and ask, “Where to?”

Updates:

• Officially completed my UCLA degree (wah wah)
• Grace Huang is now married to Josh, and they have moved to Dubai.  Below are a few photographs from their wedding :)

 

•  Attended Project Searchlight in Gainesville, Georgia

• Visited Sherry in Atlanta before flying back to LA & we road-tripped to see Alice!  (my sister)

 

•  Christine Chiu's 24th Birthday!