I've been thinking about psychopathy recently. Obviously this is a perfectly normal subject to pass the afternoon away thinking about. "I need to pay my credit card bill." "What am I having for dinner?" "I should text so-and-so to make sure." "Who do I know that exhibits certain psychopathic tendencies?" "Red doesn't go with this outfit." After all, 'tis the season for extra-terrestrial invasion, the walking dead, and demonic manifestation. . . psychopathy only fits. I'm being festive.
Of course, this has always been a topic of intrigue for me. It's not that I'm a paranoid person, moreso that I'm a curious one. I wonder if I would recognize a psychopath if I were to ever cross paths with one. Even more interesting a question. . . AM I A PSYCHOPATH? There are many behavioral decisions I often make for myself that cross the border of sanity. I talk to my dog daily (Really, where does that strange desire to talk in a baby voice to a cute puppy come from?) Why do I drink liquids that come from the teat of another mammal (milk)? Or eat embryos (eggs)? Or manicure dead things on my body (hair)? Why do I maneuver giant monsters of steel amongst other giant monsters of steel without any fear of dying every waking second? Why is it luxurious to consume fermented juice and mold (wine & cheese)?
While looking into the topic further, I found this article about our surprising love for sociopaths. It's a well-written and interesting read. For those of you that don't know, "sociopath" is the modern-day term for a "psychopath." It's essentially a personality disorder whose symptoms occur on a sliding scale. There are sociopath serial killers and then there are sociopath coffee baristas. The danger of a sociopath is not that they're characters clearly completely off their rockers who happily babble to their pets that have long been self-taxidermied in their basements, but that they're unsuspectingly the opposite. Sociopaths are enviably charismatic. They are smooth-talking flatterers. They make amazing first impressions, and almost always get what they want (and what everyone else wants). In his article, Kotsko writes about the sociopath's undeterred ability to be simultaneously hated and adored by everyone. He writes about the "fantasy sociopath" so often depicted on television (Draper from Mad Men, the mob boss from The Sopranos, Dexter, or House) as someone so amoral and incapable of sympathy, that he can better spend his time learning how to navigate social norms rather than become enslaved by them. Sociopaths are not crazy -- they are hyper-sensitive to sanity and are able to use it as a means to their ultimate end.
These traits are alluring when found in a person. At first glance they seem to be exactly what marks power and success. Confidence. Ambition. Drive. Favor. Charisma. Magnetism. Lots of sex. When someone is untethered by the remarks or actions of others, uncaring and calloused in matters of emotion or sentiment, they are strong and aggressive instead of passive and weak. Essentially, a sociopath can transcend social norms.
Okay, so why do I care? I'm getting to it. Kotsko claims in the article that we live in the age of "awkwardness." How many times have you described an event, a person, or a situation as, "awkward"? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself to define "awkwardness" as a feeling? I haven't, but I liked the definition in the article: "the feeling of anxiety that accompanies the violation or absence of a clear social norm" and its effects: "awkwardness is a particularly powerful social experience, in which we feel the presence of others much more acutely—and more than that, awkwardness spreads, making even innocent bystanders feel somehow caught up in the awkward feeling. This “raw” feeling of social connection can be so anxiety-producing, in fact, that I have even hypothesized that awkwardness comes first and social norms are an attempt to cope with it."
Are our social norms really put in place to save us from the anxiety that comes out of awkwardness? I hate feeling awkward. It can be anything from being in the same room while an argument is about to erupt, confronting someone about something embarrassing, talking to your parents about sex, or hearing someone pass gas and pretending you didn't. AWKWARD. To think of an awkward situation as an acute social connection is completely the opposite of how I used to perceive it.
Maybe I'm an awkward person. I feel awkward probably at least once a day. I take out my phone when I have nothing to say or look at in public. Anxiety bubbles when I become speechless or uncertain. I woke up (soberly) to a stranger in my bed during my freshman year, and just turned my back to him assuming I had slept-invited him in. (WHO DOES THAT?! Yours truly.) When I was in Paris during my baking apprenticeship, I unknowingly went on a date with one of my coworkers. Apparently completely oblivious to the "social norms" of France. . . "Do you want to talk over coffee?" means "Do you want to not talk and sleep with me?" So when we finished our coffees and he asked me why I hadn't kissed him yet, I replied with "because we're friends" to a look of horror and unforgiving expectation. "FINE," he said coldly as he stomped away. His reaction made me feel like I had just driven over a bevy of young children. I went home feeling so awkward that I wanted to throw up thinking about going into work the next morning.
With that said, I don't think that I'm a psychopath after all.
Sociopaths, on the other hand, "lack social connection, [which] makes him or her a master manipulator of social norms, [while] people caught up in awkwardness are rendered powerless by the intensity of their social connection." While a sociopath can with clarity navigate social awkwardness, people like me just want to throw up. This is why we love sociopaths. We envy their calloused nature and wish we were like them.
That's right, you wish you were a serial killer.
I actually watched the Gus-van-sant remake of the classic, "Psycho," and I must say, I'm glad that my shower doors are clear glass. This would prevent any surprise visits by Vince Vaughn in drag.
Awkward.
Lastly, what about you?
Want to share your most awkward vomit-inducing moment?
Of course, this has always been a topic of intrigue for me. It's not that I'm a paranoid person, moreso that I'm a curious one. I wonder if I would recognize a psychopath if I were to ever cross paths with one. Even more interesting a question. . . AM I A PSYCHOPATH? There are many behavioral decisions I often make for myself that cross the border of sanity. I talk to my dog daily (Really, where does that strange desire to talk in a baby voice to a cute puppy come from?) Why do I drink liquids that come from the teat of another mammal (milk)? Or eat embryos (eggs)? Or manicure dead things on my body (hair)? Why do I maneuver giant monsters of steel amongst other giant monsters of steel without any fear of dying every waking second? Why is it luxurious to consume fermented juice and mold (wine & cheese)?
While looking into the topic further, I found this article about our surprising love for sociopaths. It's a well-written and interesting read. For those of you that don't know, "sociopath" is the modern-day term for a "psychopath." It's essentially a personality disorder whose symptoms occur on a sliding scale. There are sociopath serial killers and then there are sociopath coffee baristas. The danger of a sociopath is not that they're characters clearly completely off their rockers who happily babble to their pets that have long been self-taxidermied in their basements, but that they're unsuspectingly the opposite. Sociopaths are enviably charismatic. They are smooth-talking flatterers. They make amazing first impressions, and almost always get what they want (and what everyone else wants). In his article, Kotsko writes about the sociopath's undeterred ability to be simultaneously hated and adored by everyone. He writes about the "fantasy sociopath" so often depicted on television (Draper from Mad Men, the mob boss from The Sopranos, Dexter, or House) as someone so amoral and incapable of sympathy, that he can better spend his time learning how to navigate social norms rather than become enslaved by them. Sociopaths are not crazy -- they are hyper-sensitive to sanity and are able to use it as a means to their ultimate end.
These traits are alluring when found in a person. At first glance they seem to be exactly what marks power and success. Confidence. Ambition. Drive. Favor. Charisma. Magnetism. Lots of sex. When someone is untethered by the remarks or actions of others, uncaring and calloused in matters of emotion or sentiment, they are strong and aggressive instead of passive and weak. Essentially, a sociopath can transcend social norms.
Okay, so why do I care? I'm getting to it. Kotsko claims in the article that we live in the age of "awkwardness." How many times have you described an event, a person, or a situation as, "awkward"? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself to define "awkwardness" as a feeling? I haven't, but I liked the definition in the article: "the feeling of anxiety that accompanies the violation or absence of a clear social norm" and its effects: "awkwardness is a particularly powerful social experience, in which we feel the presence of others much more acutely—and more than that, awkwardness spreads, making even innocent bystanders feel somehow caught up in the awkward feeling. This “raw” feeling of social connection can be so anxiety-producing, in fact, that I have even hypothesized that awkwardness comes first and social norms are an attempt to cope with it."
Are our social norms really put in place to save us from the anxiety that comes out of awkwardness? I hate feeling awkward. It can be anything from being in the same room while an argument is about to erupt, confronting someone about something embarrassing, talking to your parents about sex, or hearing someone pass gas and pretending you didn't. AWKWARD. To think of an awkward situation as an acute social connection is completely the opposite of how I used to perceive it.
Maybe I'm an awkward person. I feel awkward probably at least once a day. I take out my phone when I have nothing to say or look at in public. Anxiety bubbles when I become speechless or uncertain. I woke up (soberly) to a stranger in my bed during my freshman year, and just turned my back to him assuming I had slept-invited him in. (WHO DOES THAT?! Yours truly.) When I was in Paris during my baking apprenticeship, I unknowingly went on a date with one of my coworkers. Apparently completely oblivious to the "social norms" of France. . . "Do you want to talk over coffee?" means "Do you want to not talk and sleep with me?" So when we finished our coffees and he asked me why I hadn't kissed him yet, I replied with "because we're friends" to a look of horror and unforgiving expectation. "FINE," he said coldly as he stomped away. His reaction made me feel like I had just driven over a bevy of young children. I went home feeling so awkward that I wanted to throw up thinking about going into work the next morning.
With that said, I don't think that I'm a psychopath after all.
Sociopaths, on the other hand, "lack social connection, [which] makes him or her a master manipulator of social norms, [while] people caught up in awkwardness are rendered powerless by the intensity of their social connection." While a sociopath can with clarity navigate social awkwardness, people like me just want to throw up. This is why we love sociopaths. We envy their calloused nature and wish we were like them.
That's right, you wish you were a serial killer.
I actually watched the Gus-van-sant remake of the classic, "Psycho," and I must say, I'm glad that my shower doors are clear glass. This would prevent any surprise visits by Vince Vaughn in drag.
Awkward.
Lastly, what about you?
Want to share your most awkward vomit-inducing moment?
I've had too many awkward moments to put them in this comment box, and I've probably pushed them all out of my memory because I can't seem to recall many right now (I can recall a few unfortunately). If you really wish to hear my awkward moments, its probably best to ask Jon. He has them listed in his brain somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little bit of everything wrapped in a sarcastic sense of humor.
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