.vaille que vaille. : are you a secretly extroverted introvert?

My Meyers-Briggs profile says that I am an INFJ. Maybe optimistically 70% of you automatically know what that says about me, and before the past year of my life, I would have agreed with you. Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling. Now, I think the system is little more than psychobabble and chance. I have always marked myself as an introvert. I have, on numerous occasions, expressed that my personal version of a fiery hell would be being locked in a cocktail party for eternity and forced to mingle with a new wave of people every ten minutes. I would also have short term memory, so that icky feeling of social anxiety would freshly douse over me like a torrential flood of pain and agony. I realize I'm ridiculous.

Well, screw Meyers-Briggs! I'm a person. I'm not a percentage in a statistic or a modern marvel case study (up for debate). You're a person too. So many more factors make up who you are, how you think, how you relate to people, than a questionnaire could tell you. I've been using the "I'm an introvert, get the hell away from me" excuse for far too long in order to keep people at a distance. I have accepted my profiled personality without bothering to change anything about myself because I thought, "Well. . . that's just how I am." But now I know that's a bullshit excuse for me to wade around in my pool of self-pity and for me to settle.

I never get any time to myself anymore living in this house, but for once in my life. . . I actually love it -- I do. I have been selfish. I walk into a room and instantly become more self-aware, when really, I should be less self-aware . . . seeking to know others before I seek to make myself known. Despite what people will tell you, life is not meant to be lived alone. You weren't created to pioneer like a badass, leaving a slew of inconsequential acquaintances in your wake. Your thoughts, your loves, your gifts and talents were meant to be shared with others. I'm not saying that I'm ready to burst into every gala and mingle my way into the next life (sigh of relief), but I'm finding that when I open up my heart to new people, they will also, in turn, open their hearts to me. . .and it's a beautiful, glorious, holy thing.